


The Movie in My Mind

by vivelarepublique



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Episode: s01e16 Steven the Sword Fighter, Episode: s01e45 Rose's Scabbard, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Most importantly lots of kissing, Requited Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), rebellion era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 04:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8358184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivelarepublique/pseuds/vivelarepublique
Summary: In "Steven and the Sword Fighter," it takes Pearl two weeks to return after poofing. But during her time as just her gem, she not only thinks of her new form, but revisits some of her most precious memories of her time with Rose Quartz. Written for PearlRose Week 2016: "Leader of the Rebellion and Her Terrifying Renegade," with touches of "Being There for Her Son."





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic is the name of a song from the musical _Miss Saigon_ , in which Deedee Magno Hall (Pearl's voice actress) starred as Kim, because I am a musical theatre dork and it was too fitting a reference to pass up. Though for anybody familiar with the show/song, the song title is where the relevance stops, because this fic is all about the fluff. 
> 
> Special "wow, thanks" to [shewolf1736](http://shewolf1736.tumblr.com) and [riderjetfire](riderjetfire.tumblr.com) for their edits and thoughts! ^^ <3

“Pearl?” Steven’s voice breaks, shock evident in his wide eyes.

“Whoopsie daisy! Steven, it’s okay, I’m gonna be just–” And with a poof, Pearl’s physical projection vanishes. The last thing she thinks is that she can vaguely hear Steven cry out, before everything goes to white.

*

First comes an initial wave of panic. 

_Steven doesn’t know, Steven doesn’t understand, Steven’s so young, he’s seen so much, if I could explain, if only I_ had _explained earlier..._

Slowly, slowly, slow it down. If Pearl still had a physical form, she would take a deep breath to ground herself, to remind herself she is here, nothing can be done right now, that she is fine... As it were, she cannot breath, so she simply lets herself focus on the problem. Okay, so she had poofed in front of Steven, and he would, despite the knowledge that her gem was untouched and she would thus be fine, be concerned about her. 

But Garnet would explain everything to Steven. And she would be back with him and Garnet and Amethyst soon...

Well, not too soon. There was much to think through. How her physical projection would come back. What things to change, what to keep the same. It wasn’t every day a Gem got the chance to reinvent themselves. As much as a Gem could, that is. 

Pearl hones in on swirls of colors, and lets herself drift in them, losing herself in waves of teals and yellows and pinks.

*

As the colors fade to white, there is something comforting, if a bit claustrophobic, being just her gem and her gem alone. It distills herself down to her essence, as it were. Everything Pearl is is bound up in this little gem, for better or for worse.

_Usually for worse._

“Oh, don’t say that, my dear.”

_Don’t say what?_

A memory stirs, a well-worn one, smoothed around the edges. A warm smile. A thumb stroking her cheek.

“You’ve already grown so much, shown me the amazing things you are capable of, as a pearl, as a _Gem._ You are smarter than any Gem I’ve ever met, and you are better with a sword than most of the quartzes I’ve fought beside and against. And you have a passion the likes of which I’ve never seen before, my Pearl.”

Pearl opens her eyes to meet Rose Quartz’s gaze, feeling her face flush bright blue. _My Pearl._ It’s been dozens of times that she’s heard the phrase in her short time as a free Gem at Rose’s side, but Pearl still takes pause at the honorific.

“Well,” she feels herself say, knowing the words as if they were etched into her gem itself, “it helps when the Gem you love shines brighter than any star you ever gazed at. But unlike those stars, she’s within arms reach,” at this, Rose wraps her other arm around Pearl’s waist, pulling the smaller Gem onto her lap, but Pearl’s words keep flowing. “For her, you can’t help but be motivated to push yourself, to fight for her, and for her ideals, wherever they may take her.” Pearl drops her gaze, suddenly aware of their proximity, closer than any pair of binary stars. She can feel that her face is still flushed, but Rose tilts her gaze up to meet her own again.

There’s a shortening of the distance between them, then, a softness, and though Pearl’s eyes flutter closed, the memory shines brighter than any supernova: Rose’s lips on hers. Rose draws Pearl closer and closer to her, and everything else melts away.

*

Again, everything goes to white. Pearl continues to feel something like a warm glow, this one not dissimilar to the sun shining down on Earth, the light bathing the landscape in color.

“So, what do you think?” Rose says with a sigh, curls swaying softly in the breeze. Though she had asked Pearl to accompany her there, Pearl kneels behind Rose, Rose’s sword on the grass beside her. It had felt too strange to travel with her without something to hold, the itch on her arms and the practiced pose, _Down on one knee! Keep your head low!_ , remnants of years of servitude. But at Rose’s question Pearl looks up past where Rose stands to look at the horizon. 

“It’s...organic,” she manages, before ducking her head down again, self-conscious.

But then Rose laughs, a sound more beautiful to Pearl’s ears than any of the so-called-music that the inhabitants of this planet could ever produce, and she feels her anxiety melt away. “You are technically correct, though that’s not quite what I was thinking.”

Pearl flushes, but feels a hint of a smile pull at the corners of her mouth. She begins again, “That is, it’s so open...and full of life. Of new possibilities.”

“But do you like it here?”

“I like being here with you,” she says without missing a beat. At this, Rose turns to face her.

“Pearl?” 

“Yes!” Pearl’s head jerks up instinctively, immediately at attention at the sound of her name.

“I’m going to stay and fight for this planet,” Rose begins. Then, emphatically, “you don’t have to do this with me.”

Pearl feels her body clench, bracing herself as she lets herself cry out, “But I want to!” And yes, nothing burns in her quite like this, the desire to serve at Rose’s side in a way that no other Gem can.

“I know you do,” Rose begins, and looking up at her, Pearl can’t help but notice the weariness in her eyes. “Please, please understand. If we lose, we’ll be killed. And if we win, we can never go home.”

Pearl’s brow furrows. “Why would I ever want to go home if you’re here?”

Rose’s eyes widen at first, and Pearl feels herself tense again until Rose’s eyes soften as she gives a small laugh. She holds her hand out, and Pearl looks at it in awe for a moment. “My Pearl.”

It is Pearl’s gaze that softens now. “You’re wonderful,” she breathes. And with that, she extends her hand to Rose, who deftly intertwines their fingers. It’s electric, even after all these centuries, and Pearl has to suppress a shiver. 

Rose gives a thoughtful _hum_ in response, rubbing her thumb along the side of Pearl’s hand tenderly. Pearl focuses on the calming movement to try to keep her mind from jumping to the worst-case scenario as Rose continues, “It’s just...I’ve asked a lot of you. To come here to Earth with me, leave Homeworld, but more importantly, the rest of the universe behind.” Rose’s thumb stops and she squeezes Pearl’s hand. “I just want to make sure you know, as much as I love you and want you here, that you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

A warmth bubbles up in Pearl’s chest and she takes a moment to think, to compose herself. Rose is so considerate, and Pearl isn’t sure she realizes how much Pearl would do for her. How much she wants to do everything for her, the Gem who made Pearl feel like she was everything and could be anything.

“Homeworld has nothing for me, there is no way I can be who I am, not to mention there is no way I can be with you, there. As for the rest of the universe, well... I must admit I find the Earth a bit...” Pearl bites her lip tentatively, “ _primitive._ But. There is so much I can learn here, so much I can do here. And I want to help you defend Earth, like you defended me.”

Rose frowns at this. “Oh Pearl, you don’t owe me any–”

“I know!” Pearl interrupts, standing now, their hands still interlocked, and Rose blinks, a bit startled at the smaller Gem’s tenacity. “I–I don’t owe you anything, but...you’re always saying that I’m ‘free to be my own Gem,’ but for me, that means I’m free to love you. That I’m free to follow you and to fight for you. Won’t you let me do that?” Pearl feels tears begin to form in her eyes and wills them to stop, biting her lip. Traitorous physical projection.

“You’re right.”

Pearl looks up at Rose again, gaping slightly, eyes wide.

“I just...I still worry about you, Pearl. I know I shouldn’t, but...” Rose cups the side of Pearl’s face, thumb brushing tears off of her cheek, and Pearl leans into the touch. “You’re not the same Pearl I met all those years ago. In many ways you are, but...you’ve grown so much.”

“Just as my love for you has grown,” Pearl says, her words flowing as naturally as the rivers she and Rose have seen covering the Earth. 

This time, it is Rose who flushes, and it is Pearl who pulls her in for a kiss, relishing the other Gem’s blush before her own eyes close once more. 

*

"...And then risk everything for it!" Pearl opens her eyes again and sees the gleam in Rose’s eyes as she emerges from the temple entrance, the paper she’s been pouring over for weeks clutched in her hand triumphantly. She and Garnet look back at their leader from where they are sitting outside the temple, surveying the setup of the various tents for the new Crystal Gems.

“I had a feeling you’d be finished around now,” Garnet says with a smile, her third eye winking. 

Pearl rolls her eyes amicably. “A _feeling,_ says the one with future vision.” Rose laughs and Pearl can’t help but grin. “So? Can we hear it?” Garnet gives a whoop of agreement and Rose clears her throat.

"We, the Crystal Gems, will  
Fight for life on the planet Earth,  
Defend all human beings,  
Even the ones that you don't understand,  
Believe in love that is out of anyone's control,  
And then risk everything for it!"

The three stand in silence for a moment, Rose’s words seeming to echo against the stone walls, to linger in the salty sea air. 

“We’re really doing this.” It’s Garnet who breaks the silence. She stands at the edge of the temple, overlooking the sea, a physical manifestation of the love Rose spoke of, her fists tight at her sides.

“We are,” Rose’s eyes and voice are steeled as she replies, bare feet silent as she steps forward to join her compatriots. “There’s no going back, not now.”

“But we’ll be together.” Pearl says, surprised by how confident she sounds, how confident she _feels_. She looks at the Gems around her and she is filled with a swell of pride – a dizzying feeling that she is still getting used to. 

Rose smiles and takes Pearl’s hand in her own, a gesture at which Garnet smiles too, taking Rose’s other hand in hers, and the three Crystal Gems stand together at the edge of the temple, watching the Earth’s sun set. 

*

The sunset shimmers and blurs, and when the next memory sharpens Pearl feels a thrill surge through her as she slashes and spins and sees Gems poof all around her. War is something Pearl was never meant to be a part of, and when it comes, it fills her with a new fire. Every skill she’s practiced, every injury she’s gotten, all of them lead to the moments where, up against Quartzes three times her size, she, _Pearl_ , could be _terrifying._

But then she sees an amethyst, huge and heading for Rose, and Pearl’s body moves of its own accord (Rose’s impassioned “Risk everything for it!” ringing in her ears) and ... with a poof, she is gone. 

The first time is disorienting, the excitement of battle still coursing through her, but with no physical manifestation for it to be channeled into. Pearl suddenly feels overcome with weariness, her mind, her body, everything a fog, and then...clarity.

She’s just _her._ But she can feel all of her potential, all of the possibilities within her, and it’s as intoxicating as it is overwhelming. She finds herself wondering if this is a little what Sapphire’s future vision feels like. 

_Rose!_ The thought of one Crystal Gem leads back to their leader, and adrenaline threatens to overwhelm Pearl again. The expanse of creamy white that fills her senses seems to glow a little brighter. She has to get back to Rose. But how? Among the seemingly infinite trajectories that postulate themselves in her consciousness, her mind hones in on her form. 

She conjures up her old one – pink and diamonds and frills, hair parted to one side. The asymmetry of it had always bothered her, making her scalp itch if she concentrated too much on it. Well, that wouldn’t do. Neither would the diamonds branded into her clothing for that matter. Something simple, easy to move in, easy to fight in. And as much as she loved Rose’s long curls, she was still partial to something shorter; a simple bob would do, parted right down the middle at last. Pearl could feel something like a sigh of relief, or what would be one if she had a physical form.

The feeling builds and builds and Pearl feels herself growing and glowing, skin shimmering and pleasantly warm and – 

“Oh!” Pearl finds herself in a familiar embrace, soft pink tresses cascading over her slim shoulders and brushing her face. She begins to open her mouth to speak, but she feels Rose murmur into her hair first.

“ _Pearl._ My Pearl, you’re back.”

Pearl blushes. Some things didn’t change with a new form. “Of course, Rose…” Pearl pulls away slightly, to better see the other Gem’s face. They’re in Rose’s tent, far away from the battlefield, and Pearl wonders how long she was gone. “But Rose, you’re crying.” She frowns, brow furrowing. Tears stream down Rose’s face, and Pearl takes one hand to delicately, oh so delicately, brush them away, fingers lingering on her cheek. “I’m fine, I’m all fixed up, no healing tears necessary.”

Rose smiles, and even when crying Pearl is struck by how beautiful she is. “Oh my Pearl, how I missed you.”

Pearl’s frown deepens. “You don’t need to be sad. I’m back!” At this Rose pulls Pearl into a tight embrace again, twirling her around dizzyingly, and then dipping her in a dance that Pearl falls into effortlessly. 

“Yes,” Rose says, as breathless as Pearl feels. “You’re back.” She pulls Pearl back up to meet her gently, Pearl resting her hands lightly on the back of the other Gem’s neck. “And that is well worth tears of joy.” 

Pearl feels herself smile and closes her eyes. Again, her senses are flooded with pure, white light. 

_Oh, how I missed you._

*

“That’s much better!” Pearl exclaims, the glow around her fading as she examines her new form. She’s barely touched down to the ground before the unmistakable form of Steven barrels into her. “Oh! Hey! Miss me much?” 

Steven pulls away from the hug, suddenly devastated. “Aww man, I had this whole thing planned out for when you came back!”

It’s then that Pearl realizes how quickly and drastically things have deteriorated, looking around at the half-demolished state of the house. “Ah, Steven? What happened to your room?” She finally looks up to see Amethyst, tethered like a balloon by Garnet, a stoic statue in the midst of the chaos. “...I don’t even wanna know what happened to you.”

“I got hit by an airplane!” Amethyst supplies giddily.

Steven returns, shirt off and now tied around his head, banging a pot as he chants, “Pearl’s back! Pearl’s back! Pearl’s back!” 

“Steven what are you doing?” Pearl can’t help but ask, however endearing the action. As if in response, Amethyst burps. Pearl lets out a sigh. “I can’t leave you guys alone for a second.”

“Pearl’s back!”

_And I missed you, too._

**Author's Note:**

> I spent a lot of time playing with the concept of this fic and the kind of memories Pearl would revisit and how they would "feel" when she doesn't really have a physical presence, and I was not about to pass up opportunities to make Pearl and Rose kiss. In my very short time in this fandom, I cannot get enough of fluff of the two of them, and what better time to post it than PearlRose Week?? 
> 
> In particular, incorporating the flashback from "Rose's Scabbard" was tricky because I do think that while Pearl and Rose's relationship was requited, it wasn't always an equal balance, largely because of Homeworld conditioning. So I made that scene comes across a bit tonally different than in the episode itself, as Pearl is revisiting the memory here in a differently, less emotionally charged context. Or, at least that was the goal!! I also wanted to make clear how much Pearl also loves Steven. Because Steven deserves all the love and I love that part of Pearl's character. 
> 
> This was my first fic contribution to this lovely fandom that I am very, very new to, and my fic non-Les Mis fic in...well...ages, at the very least since making this account!! It was a challenge but I'm so excited I did it, and hope to write more!! What can I say, I'm a sucker for gay revolutionaries. It's amazing how much this show has changed my life in such a short time!!
> 
> Any and all comments are welcome, and you can find me on tumblr, too, at [vivelarepublique](http://vivelarepublique.tumblr.com)! :)


End file.
